Getting past the storm.....or tornado

I thought that I would be over my horrible experience faster than I have. I feel like I am looking back at the storm but I am not yet in the clear. Yes, I did have immediate relief! My stress level dropped nearly immediately, my cycle is back on schedule, I have lost two pants sizes, and my home life feels like new.

 I dream a lot. A LOT! I have to say, dreams are how the stress gets carried through, and also my response to constructive criticism at work. I am not really sure how my dreams 'translate' but there is probably some sort of meaning or interpretation of what I am feeling.

I had a dream where I went to tell my boss that I did not have hard feelings for him because I know that he was trying and that the real problem was the witch. He began to cry and apologized. I have also had dreams where I am back in the office defending myself, etc. I also had one where I punched the witch in the face. Damn, that felt good! The dreams don't stop though. I probably have at least one a week.

I am doing a new type of work now, it is a branch of architecture, but definitely new to me. So, naturally I am making mistakes in the process of learning this new line of work. My boss comes to me (and other individuals) and say things like "lets talk about this. I know why you did this the way you did, but let me show you a better way." I mean, who could ask for a nicer way to get constructive criticism? Yet each time I feel that I have made some grave mistake that will cost me my job. I swear at myself in my head, and wish I were beating my head on a wall! Me make a mistake?? No way, I don't do that! I used to work so hard at the last place to not make mistakes and now I feel like I make them all the time. 

I have to take a minute to breathe, bring myself back to reality (which I feel I have lost touch with). I have forgotten what it is like to work in a real office, with real people, making mistakes, and moving on with life and work every day. I think it is like having post traumatic stress disorder, in a professional, business kind of way. This is when I think there should be better mental health coverage, because I could sure use some coaching through this kind of stuff.

So I hope that the dreams will eventually pass and I will learn to accept constructive criticism again the way I was taught to in college (architecture school is great for that!).