WOLF in sheep's clothing

While the treatment I received is common for every employee in the company, I hope that other individuals in other companies do not share in the same experiences and emotions. But what if you do or think you do? If you even question it, there are some characteristics of deceitful and manipulative people that can help you identify if you may be in a challenging environment.

The Character Description:

1. Its a roller coaster ride: My therapist related it to an abusive relationship. For example, one day you could do something great and be praised and feel like you are on top of the world or a pedestal while everyone else is cheering you on from below. Then, the next moment (whether you did something wrong or someone else did) you can be scum crawling on the floor. When you are down you want to leave so desperately, but then when you are up you feel guilty for even thinking about leaving. They will butter you up and then strip you of everything you have! 

2. And the verdict is: Guilty: The say things or act certain ways to get you to do things you may not be comfortable with. They may even go so far as to wave your job above your head. They may say something like, "You just do what you think is right!" while using a threatening voice that implying that you can do what you think is right, but it will have negative consequences with your position here. Or something like "I don't understand why people here want to fly commercial planes, instead of my private plane (while the private plane is an experimental aircraft and the people have a fear of heights).

3. Pick on someone your own size: Manipulative people can be bullies. They can cut you down and rip you apart. Bullying doesn't have to be physical (that would be physical abuse) but bullying can be so much more. I think it is a term that is not given enough definition. I believe mental and emotional abuse is more appropriate. They may call you names, imply that you carry certain negative traits or characteristics.

4. The energizer bunny: A manipulative person keeps going and going and going and going! They will shoot you with one bullet (figurative) and continue to shoot you; only, you don't have time to heal from one before the next one hits. They may overload you because they know at some point they will break. They will give you busy work to impede your progress and they will use the persistent method with the other characteristics above.

6. Liar Liar pants on FIRE: Manipulators lie. A lie is not always a complete fabrication of facts or events. Very often it can be putting a spin on the truth or facts, leaving pieces out, or not having any recollection or something completely. They may give you complete lip service: saying one thing and doing another. For example, "We are interviewing people to replace the Vice President position who can lead and manage the architectural team" - but then the new hire ends up sitting across from you in a cubicle and drawing in autoCAD!

7. Logic: they often do not follow logic and can be very irrational. They may not be able to back their claims or stand with solid facts. They use one extreme or another but are never on a level playing ground.

8. The Hitler stash: The person can be very controlling! EXCESSIVE such as you must copy the person on every single e-mail that you ever send or before making any phone calls to any clients. This can make you feel incompetent when you know you are perfectly capable. They must know what is going on at all times and have their hand in everything. They micromanage. Beware if you try to take control back, or do not comply with their many "protocols" that are in place to maintain control. 

I recently discovered a book which I plan on reading and relating to my experience through my blog: http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing11.html

So, if you do not have the option to "get out" what are your methods of dealing with these types of people?

Meat eating dino

I recently resigned from my position as a Project Manager and Associate of a relatively small architecture and engineering company where I live. I don't have a job lined up, and I am nervous as hell. At the same time, I haven't felt this free and empowered in the entire four years that I spent employed there. I am in the process of learning who I am again. I am realizing some things about myself that I am not comfortable with (yet) and some things that make myself proud. While what is in the past cannot be changed, I can certainly learn a lot from it.

My last place of employment was a war zone. Between getting caught between differing opinions of Principals, to condescending remarks, to mental and emotional abuse of others (and myself) I certainly learned a couple of things:

1. How to survive
2. How to not run a company
3. How to not treat other people
4. How to have dignity and stand up for myself
5. That my happiness cannot be purchased with a hefty salary
6. That my family deserves a hell of a lot more

I noticed that something was 'different' pretty soon after I took the job. I had never experienced a Principal who yelled at so many people on a regular basis, and for menial things none the less. At first I only had a small exposure to it since I was working alongside another Project Manager and the Vice President (Principal and also head of the architecture team) stood between myself and the President (head of the engineering team). 

It was not uncommon to be handed an enormous stack of red lines at the last minute of the deadline and at the last minute of the day and expected to stay until they were completed. It didn't matter if I had plans, or if I had a anniversary dinner, or if I had already put in 60 hours that week, my job was dangling on a little string above my head - swaying back and forth, back and forth. And in the midst of the tremendous pile of red lines to be completed, if I miss-spelled a word you would have thought that I had murdered someone and was headed for a firing squad. 

I think it is important to teach people in the company how to do things so that they can get better, grow, succeed and help alleviate other peoples work loads. So, our Project Manager on a project asked my co-worker to take a stab at creating a demolition floor plan and noting it up. So he did just that. However the next morning when we returned, he came into his desk where his demolition drawing laid, only you couldn't see any of the work he had done. It was covered in words written in thick bold red sharpie: WHAT THE FUCK?, BULL SHIT?, WTF, BS. What person does that? What person asks someone with less experience to take a stab at something and because they didn't do it exactly like they expected writes such horrible things? Maybe it's just me but I would have expected to come in and sit down with the person and calmly talk about the things I did well, the things I can improve on, how to improve, and things I can do differently. 

I was treated like a personal minion, when I was hired at the same level as my fellow Project Manager mentioned above. I was asked to set up a drawing trolly next to his desk and to create stick sets of all the record drawings so that he could quickly reference them. What makes him think I am there to do his work, or to make him copies, or get his coffee? I quickly learned that not only was I asked to do these things but another engineer (the only other female not an executive assistant up front) to do this. I believe it was discriminatory based on our gender. But you can control that by just saying "NO!" Which I did, but his reactionary, and hostile behavior did not change. So, like everyone else in the office - I complained. I complained to the point that I demanded that I could not work with him anymore. And a week later he was let go. It took months of torture working with him, anti-depression, and anti-anxiety and sleep medicine to make it through it, but finally he was gone and I felt like I could breathe again. 

After his departure things got a lot better, I was given more responsibility, got to do new things, and I did them very well. The principals quickly saw that I was an asset to the company and I was pegged for great things. I was named an associate along with three other individuals, and I was also the youngest employee in the company: 28 years old, and only 5 years experience after graduating from college.

But like everything else there, it was a lie. We were promised accounts with funds to purchase ownership in the company - it never happened. We were told we would be given bonuses on performance which we could add to the account - it never happened. We were told we would be given more responsibility to develop and manage the production process - it never happened. It didn't even come with a raise. Only more tasks, more responsibility, and more abuse. 

After a couple years of that, the Vice President moved away and commuted on a regular basis. We started to notice changes in his personality, like he was running on espresso. He made mistakes, and he was not there anymore to assist in technical aspects like he used to. He was overworked and overwhelmed. Not long after he became sick, sick of insomnia. The doctor told him that he would die if he didn't change his lifestyle. Prior to his short term disability departure a new "controller" was hired. 

She seemed to be very sharp and would be a great addition to the company. I should have known better from the start. She befriended everyone. But I quickly noticed that she was buddy-buddy with the President and started making comments which casually picked on employees. I should note she is also "HR" but has no HR experience. She was sure to make every one's life there a slow trip through hell. 

Between her and the President they asked the associates what we thought after giving their sales pitch for ditching the VP from the company. My only expressions were that I hated that the VP and P never seemed to be on the same page and that the rest of the employees often got stuck in the middle, where all the anger and aggression got taken out. The President is a smooooooth talker. He is great at putting on a 'face'. He was able to twist every one's concerns and comments regarding the employment of the VP and before we knew it, the VP would not be returning.

I was assured that a replacement would be hired. That was the biggest bunch of lip service I have ever seen/heard. We hired a few individuals and interviewed several who were all very capable of running an architecture department. The problem? ProblemS:

1. The President wants control over everything. EVERYTHING
1. So putting someone in a leadership position over the architecture department means he would either have to completely control them, or lose control over those aspects and trust that person to do their job....that would NEVER happen
2. The President expects people to do about three different peoples jobs at once.
1. Which means the new VP or architecture department leader would not only be in charge of architecture resources but also complete marketing tasks, be a project manager, review all drawings for quality, completeness and technical accuracy and completion.

So we hired someone to be a leader for the architectural department. Only the day he started I came in to him sitting in a cubicle directly across from me. I would have though someone with that kind of authority would have been given an executive office. Not only did they hire him (contract) but they never extended permanent employment to him after they promised it to him after 30 days. He even brought on another project manager who was hired as a permanent position. Like everyone else we hire, he didn't last long.

I should mention that the office has such a horrible reputation for working conditions that head hunters clear across the country will not send people to the company for employment. So the only people they hire are suckers that have unfortunately never heard of the hell hole.

We recently had been awarded an unprecedented amount of projects. So many, that we can no longer handle the management and production with our current staffing. I screamed for help for a loooonggg time, and we did get some drafting help. However, the management and lead design help less than trickled in. And when it did, they ran dry and left or were let go. Once we received so many projects that I had enough, I was confronted with this: "we cannot justify hiring lead designers and project managers because your drafters    are not working 60 hours per week every week". To which I countered: "No one should have to work 60 hours on a regular basis. And, I should not have to justify the need to hire lead designers and project managers with the utilization of drafters. The positions are completely different - it is not logical." I was then told that the 'Controller' had the personal opinion that we should not hire any help. NO HELP! Then when we cant meet the deadlines and we fail our clients - blame her! 

So without going into a lot of details - I had enough and I left. I was either checking into an emergency room, or seeing my therapist for emergency care, because I didn't want to live anymore. What was the point?

The Beginning

I have recently discovered that my mind is clear and my heart palpitations subside when I put my thoughts on paper. So, this is the beginning of a better, mind, body, and spirit. Let the blogging commence!